"Not For the Mature or Easily Offended"
-The Heights
Asinine
Sketch & Improv Comedy
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Bryan Dmuchowski '10
Bryan is a whippersnapper in every sense of the word, except for the sense meaning "an unimportant but offensively presumptuous person, esp. a young one."  Bryan is terribly enigmatic to a fault. Yet this is not completely true, because the San Andreas Fault once commented, "I have acquired a complete understanding of said Bryan Dmuchowski and his idiosyncrasies." Bryan is an avid martial artist although he has never had occasion to use his skills in public. On the other hand, Bryan is an avid marital artist and has had several occasions to use his skills in public for he has been married eight times and each nuptial has been a resounding success. The New York Times called Bryan's sixth marriage, "Quite possibly the greatest marriage ever consummated. I would know, I was his sixth wife." Bryan is a collector of vintage maps and various curios of the Oriental persuasion. The turning point in Bryan's life came when he purchased a Coca-Cola drink at a vending machine only to discover that a Sprite Lemon-Lime flavored beverage came out. He has despised capitalism ever since. If there are three words that could sum up Bryan's life, they are "insert phrase here." For more information on the life and times of the man some call "Bryan Dmuchowski", contact the San Andreas Fault at California, U.S.A. End transmission.